Good n’ gammon: Edition XVII -The real Territory heroes, Labor Ministers

by | Aug 7, 2020 | Opinion | 1 comment

It has been another week in the Territory and we are playing hotspot bingo. From the smell of burning frappes trackside to a Terry-less utopic future, to the real Territory heroes, the unsung Labor Ministers. Here is what is good and what is gammon this week.

The so-called Supercars

There is nothing like the smell of burning rubber and frappes (men time to store you testicles in your wives’ purses for the day). So it’s good the V8s are coming back to Darwin despite bastard COVID-19. Well…it’s still likely.

It is good to have major events still happening in the NT

Still no community spread

We are in a fortunate position with no known community spread of coronavirus in the NT. When you look down at Melbourne, having a broke government seems mild in comparison.

Not having a COVID-19 outbreak is good

Some additional benefits for the NT in quarantine

Multiple-time election loser and bizarro political party supremo Braedon Earley is in mandatory quarantine at Howard Springs and he says he is on a hunger strike, protesting about health procedures in the camp. Luckily he had done a fair bit of carb-loading before he went into quarantine.

Hunger strikes are good. We wish more political figures took very long hunger strikes.

If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it

It is not that many sleeps until the election and what an extraordinarily underwhelming time it is to be alive. Who the hell would want to be a politician in this joint? And, worse still, who would want to be a voter? Why do we want to bring further shame on ourselves?

Democracy is gammon

A brave new alliance

As we were speaking to an Alice Springsian this week, politics raised it’s vile head and then the talked turned to Territory Alliance. The person said people there had been excited about the idea of an alternative party, they just wish Terry Mills was not involved. We can see a space for another party. Vote #1 – the Terry-less Alliance.

Democracy is gammon

Much, much more of the same

We stifled the need to vomit on our keyboard when we saw a Google ad NT Labor had purchased. But it was a close thing. We don’t understand how they do not understand how unstatesmanlike the “saving lives, saving jobs” buljit sounds every time it comes out of the Chief Minister’s mouth. It is a bloody global pandemic, the official response to it is not meant to be reduced to trite electioneering. Real life savers don’t feel the need to tell you about it on repeat. Maybe he could change it to: “At least I’m not Dan Andrews”. Which would come with beautiful irony too.

Democracy is gammon. 

Public service is its own reward (but a free trip to Disney World couldn’t/doesn’t hurt)

It’s been a week or so and we haven’t heard of any action against the second most powerful public servant in the Territory, Andy Cowan, for accepting a gift of a trip to Disney World from a company that was planning to lobby the government for money. Maybe if he had brought us back a Goofy doll we might have kept quiet about it but nothing so much as a postcard from our man in Orlando. That seems about right in this boundless possible wonder-world. Luckily some of our politicians are more happy to explain their past travel.

Thankfully we got to see some of Andy’s holiday snaps on Facebook.

This situation is gammon

Back on the tools for Kirbs

The Primary Industries Minister or just a bad Photoshop job of Paul Kirby’s face on Sergeant Schultz’s body. You be the judge.

The new Blue Mud Bay fishing deal press release came out this week and Primary Industries Minister Paul Kirby’s name wasn’t even scribbled on it in crayon. Even though his portfolio covers this issue. We do hope his Labor close, personal friends are treating him nice and there is none of the chaos they promised to end. Although we suspect he is being cut loose and Port Darwin is being waved goodbye to. And remember that time Kirbs picked the Chief Minister up from the airport? And what does he get for it? Oh well, back on the tools for Kirbs.

When close personal friends fall out, it is gammon

Real Territory heroes

All of the Labor ministers were absent from Darwin Cup day. We hear they have a strange architectural phobia. The NT News asked all the ministers about what they were doing on that day that prevented them from going to the Cup, which at least several normally would. The answers they gave solidified in our minds what selfless individuals and true unsung Territory heroes they really are. From memory these were the reasons given: Chief Minister was saving lives and saving jobs and anointing the dying – the few he couldn’t save – as per their final wishes; Treasurer Nicole Manison was giving free financial advice to the homeless; Racing Minister Lauren Moss was washing the feet of the masses; Attorney-General Natasha Fyles was running one of Mother Teresa’s orphanages; Paul Kirby was cooking for the elderly; Eva Lawler was off on the shovel helping to build grandstands for any sporting club that wanted one; Dale Wakefield was rescuing baby birds that had fallen out of nests; Selena Uibo was helping kids who can’t read good and wanna learn to do other stuff good too; Gerry McCarthy was just kicking back doing nothing.

Of course all of this is absolute buljit (except for Kirby’s actual claimed explanation) just like Labor running from the bad publicity of a grandstand they used taxpayers’ money to build.

More good n’ gammon


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