Good n’ gammon – Edition V

by | May 15, 2020 | Opinion | 0 comments

The NT Independent, while we’re still just a pup at the forefront of breaking Territory news, has a world exclusive – the actual review document the Chief Minister claimed to have thrown away. It is among all that is good and gammon this week.

Stuff is open again

If you follow the NT Government News Twitter account you may be forgiven for thinking someone there has a grog problem. But the pubs opened in the NT yesterday and that will bring smiles, and later headaches to many.

The pubs, restaurants and cafes being open is good. But the rivers of grog potentially getting back to full flood levels is gammon.

The chief of all chiefs

NT Chief Health Officer Dr Hugh Heggie has been the power broker through the COVID-19 crisis, providing the advice that Chief Minister Michel Gunner said guided his decisions. As the Territory opens up slowly, publican Jason Hanna wrote Doc Heggie would never have to pay for a beer again. The same should perhaps be said for all the health staff and police and supermarket workers and other workers who have kept the NT going.

All these people are great.

Only a few weeks to go

When the NT Independent started, about six weeks ago, a very prominent NT media figure reckoned we would last about six to eight weeks. Which means we need to pack a lot of articles in over the next two weeks so we get the most value for our FOI bucks. But we reckon, despite his mates on the fifth floor and Mr Gunner’s efforts to shut us down – we have no idea why, we are really very nice people – that the ‘three blokes with a website sitting in a donga at East Arm,’ as someone called us, are here to stay.

Having the NT Independent holding the government to account is the roadmap to the new, new normal. Mr Gunner thinks this is gammon.

The technology just isn’t available to send important documents any other way. Pictured is an Australia Post carrier pigeon.

Nothing AT ALL to see here

And speaking of the Big Chief – second only in power in the NT to Doc Heggie – there was big news on Monday about how he threw away a review into the running of his office, thus it was not available under FOI for the public to see.

He explained that he didn’t have an electronic copy because it was handed directly to him, or sent by carrier pigeon, or something.

Mr Gunner claimed the report – which he said he paid the costs to produce – was just a few notes that mentioned no names. Although in one of the great coincidences of recent times his chief-of-staff Alf Leonardi left his job for “health reasons” around that time while his deputies Kieran Phillips and Helen Nezeritis left too. Really the Big Chief should have just gone Full Trump rather than Half Trump and said: “What report?”

But luckily for all, the NT Independent actually has a photograph of the report, straight from the wastebin. See below for the exclusive.

Always remember to treat the cleaners well Mr Gunner.

The chief minister’s explanations through the whole saga since August have been gammon.

It’s buljit!

Buljit is a step up from gammon in the bullshit stakes. And we reckon Gunner’s ‘dog ate my homework’ explanation this week was buljit.

More good n’ gammon

Shout it! Shout it! Shout it out loud!

While the Gunner Government has been copping flack for its finances, the NT Independent was happy to see the following in the government figures: The wages spending for the first three quarters of this financial year appear to be $41.97 million below budget. For some reason, government haven’t been screaming this achievement from Mount Zeil.

The reduction in government spending is good, if it is in fact a reduction.

Vigilante cat justice warrior

An old mate named Raymond Terrace proposed a cat park in Palmerston, an idea the council shut down lickety- split. But a defiant Mr Raymond said he is thinking of setting up an unsanctioned cat area in a park anyway.

It is good that he is going to set up a cat speakeasy. It is gammon that he is potentially going to have to go on the run.

The Territory Kardashians

Instagram for babies seems to be the roadmap to the new normal. The Territory’s first couple have joined the ranks of the Kardashians with an Instagram account called Rovingbabychief. And thus we have a month old Territory political influencer. He needs to get some Boundless Possible nappies.

Having lots of baby snaps is good, but academics have questioned the need for baby Instagram accounts.

Definitely not emergency surgery

Labor MLA for Barkly Gerry McCarthy announced his shock retirement this week. The man has clocked up a lot of kilometres – in the electorate that is three times the size of England – and among other reasons given for his retirement from politics after 12 years was getting some dental work done and some other surgery.

It is good Gerry can finally get that ingrown toe nail fixed. But it is gammon we are going from a Two Gerry democracy to a No Gerry democracy. Is that really a democracy at all?

The William Wallace award

NT Police Commissioner Jamie Chalker as Braveheart
“The trouble with the Territory is that it’s full of Territorians.” – King Edward I

The NT Police Commissioner Jamie Chalker had a big week talking about lifting the COVID-19 restrictions and people running a-social-distancing-muck in Litchfield as well as jailbreaks. And in the process he also managed to massacre a lot of English.

“But, if you are going to disregard messages, we are going to take sanction. It is futile that we would allow people to risk it,” he said. Um…nothing like a Territory education, we say.

“It was a very serious incident, there were fires that were created,” he said. “People had armed themselves to do, we don’t know yet.”

It is not futile that we would allow us to risk saying this is gammon.

What you reckon is gammon

Darlene Devery- FOI Applications not in best intetests of the public. (READ our corruption story she refers to here)

Andrew Meaney:

Jeffrey Usher: The business stimulus scheme.

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