Good n gammon – Edition VII: Clive Palmer the media mogul

by | May 29, 2020 | Opinion | 0 comments

Another week in the Territory and still no sign we want to be part of Australia again. But we do hear Clive Palmer has started up a newspaper and a prominent barrister is doing radio ads flogging steaks – all that is good n’ gammon this week.

Opening up

The Chief Minister Michael Gunner announced that people arriving in the NT from interstate won’t have to spent a mandatory 14 days at the government’s pleasure.

Not paying $2,500 to come home is good.

Throb cops it hard

Throb has copped a little bit of a whack over plans for a bar/nightclub at East Point in Darwin. Regardless of what happens, at the very least, they should be applauded for having a bold idea.

Big ideas for the Territory are good.

Who else could possibly be behind it?

The NT Speaker Kezia Purick was on the radio Friday, hot on the case of solving the puzzle of a curious phone poll in the Territory last week. The poll was asking about vaping and the honourable member sleuthed it to big tobacco. All we can say is keep pulling the threads Kezia and follow the money and the power, the answer probably lays at the bottom of a bottle of Boatshed Bay.

Having Kezia on the case is good.

I didn’t inhale

A photographer who rocked up to take a candidate’s election publicity shot got a blast of a smell associated with tetrahydrocannabinol. In might be part of their policy position or just an unrelated addictive hobby.

Being calm for your photo shoot is good.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe

We all know drunks don’t make very good social distancers, as Lola’s Pergola found out. However from what we can see people who like laksa are bloody terrible at it too, if Parap markets are anything to go by, as are power-saw buyers if you stop in at Bunnings. And let’s not talk about supermarkets.

Fining one business for what other businesses have also been doing but for longer, is gammon.

A little while coming

Chief health officer Dr Hugh Heggie turned 70 this week and we heard he got some of his first days off in months.

It is good he finally gets some rest.

So rare they’re never seen in the wild in the NT


While this image at the top of our Facebook page still makes no sense, it is still there. But it has inspired us to unleash our psychic tiger to predict the winner of the NT election to make up for the atrociousness psychic ability of NT crocs in recent years.

Psychic tigers are good. Psychic crocs are gammon.

NT United Australia Independent

Clive Frederick Palmer it seems, can rub his tummy and pat his head. We are reliably informed he has launched a high court challenge to Queensland’s coronavirus border closure. We are also informed by a person we can only name as The Unreliable Source, that Palmer is also the owner of the NT Independent. Wait until the Gunner Government hears about that, they will be throwing their arms around us.

Not being owned by Clive Palmer is good.

Unfortunately Chief Minister Michael Gunner cannot rub his tummy and pat his head at the same time. He can only save lives, not pay attention to the economy, because it takes two hands to throw a kitchen sink at coronavirus.

Being able to rub your tummy and pat your head at the same time is good.

Just getting by

Darwin barrister John Lawrence
John Lawrence may eventually get his own zany breakfast radio program.

We’ve been very interested to hear a Scottish voice in a radio advertisement for Hog’s Breath cafe.

We didn’t realise being a barrister was such a tough and poorly remunerated gig but we presume the man, who allegedly told a journo, “I’m a mad man, I’m a passionate Scot, I’m a hysterical woman,” John Lawrence, is moonlighting as a steak salesman.

Not that there is shame in it, especially when you have such a lovely brogue.

But, of course it could be NT Corrections Commissioner Scott McNairn on the ad, it is difficult to tell. We reckon his regular gig probably doesn’t pay too many crackers either.

Up-skilling in this economy is good.

More good n’ gammon

Our Braveheart (again)

The William Wallace award for massacring English goes to NT Police Commissioner Jamie Chalker for a second time in two weeks.  

“It is important—about where we have granted approvals for people under a compliance plan. Many of those people coming in and out have zero contact with Territorians at all,” he told the Public Accounts Committee.

“The plans have such rigor around them that they operate within bubbles of their own environments…If we look at the whole term since we had quarantine and various restriction environments in place, we moved to contactless areas—particularly long roadhouses where people come through.

Well done sir, we can see why you are in your job.

NT Police Commissioner Jamie Chalker as Braveheart
Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse,” William Wallace.

They have the internet on computers nowdays

You may have heard that News Corp are shutting down a few fish n chip wrappers along with getting rid of about half of all its regional journalists. Thankfully for the NT Government the NT Government News is not one of them. However the Centralian Advocate will stop printing and go digital only. While we would have thought not having a website would be a hindrance to this, what do we know about digital media? So does it really exist at all or will it now just be a figment of News Corp’s very creative imagination?

It is gammon Alice Springs is going to lose its paper.

It’s buljit!

In the week before the announcement of the mass closure and redundancies, which could see close to a third of the company’s staff go, News Corp executive chairman Michael Miller had this to say: “This quality journalism will be better resourced than anything we have done before and will be developed, published and shared on all formats to grow audiences and subscriptions.” It the same vein of the NT News last year when it reduced the physical size of the paper and said: “the pages will be designed in a way which will allow to us to publish a higher number of stories than we do now”. Yeah, of course they are. Ahh to have News Corp’s imagination…and disdain for its readers.

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