Good n’ gammon – Edition XV: Now with no good whatsoever

by | Jul 24, 2020 | Opinion | 0 comments

Another week in the Territory and who knows what’s going on in the topsy-turvy world. From political campaigning on the sides of the road to Sleepy Joel Bowden, to our suggestion for the Territory’s next Administrator. This what is good and what is gammon this week.

A drive by no judge would ever convict you of

It is less than a month until the NT election and we have pollies and their wannabes setting up little pop-up Bunnings gazebos with party colours on the sides of roads. The temptation, of course, as you drive past is to mow them down. Not a judge anywhere would convict. It’s not murder, just early voting. All this electioneering on the sides of the roads and bloody candidate corflute palaver is simply cockwombleish. Political candidates take the advice given to Melbournians: “Stay at home, and save a life”. The life you save might just be your own. After all, this fuss just leads to more politicians. If at every election we lost another member of parliament we might be able to tolerate it.

Electioneering is gammon.

Separated at birth

Sleepy Joe Biden and Sleepy Joel Bowden. Look it’s funny in a Trump accent after seven beers okay.

 

More money wisely spent 

There is nothing like trying to convince Australians to move to the Territory based on the words of an ex-politician. We may have hit peak genius with the person who came up with the idea to pay – probably a decent wack of coin – to spruik the NT through ‘sponsored content’ with news.com.au. Sponsored content is where a news organsation takes a company’s words, or interviews someone from that company, and writes it up so it looks like a news story and charges for it. But, of course, because Australians have a deep, deep respect for politicians, this is a good use of our money. “Come to the Territory, tell ’em Uncle Hendo sent ya”. The real message of this advertisement might be the whole problem with this entire joint – if you can’t make it anywhere else, come to the NT and you too can end up in a job you are not qualified for.

The ‘article’ included a less honest version of this image.

This is totally gammon.

A recent example

We advertised for a new journo recently. And it gave both a perfect example of the point from above, and a worthy William Wallace Award for massacring English.

When can you start? Or actually how do you feel about becoming Chief Minister?

We would like to be journalists too, but the Chief Minister won’t let us.

The real pyschos of the world

We should enact legislation that protects us against people who read out their mobile numbers in the three, three, four combo instead of the four, three, three combo.

The three, three, four combo is gammon.

A real entrepreneur

You may have read that the power bill for Government House for a year was about $100,000, compared to the TIO building which was $36,000. This left the NT Independent and others wondering how the bill could be so big. The digitally altered picture below was one suggestion about where all that money is going. Otherwise the Administrator has a power cord running out the loungeroom window and down to the Waterfront all the restaurants down there are plugging in to.

 

She had hoped to win best hydro crop at the Royal Darwin Show.

 

Coupled with the travel expenses – almost $100,000 in less than two years – we really need to look at cutting costs for the Administrator. We propose making independent MLA for Nelson Gerry Wood, who is retiring at the next election, the Administrator. He is well known for flying economy on official oversees trips and couch surfing when he gets there. Gerry also knows his way around a plant so could take care of all the Government House gardening and those plants that allegedly take all that electricity to grow. We have mocked up an image to see what it may look like.

Gerry would look tickey boo in Government House.

 

More good n’ gammon

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