Good n’ gammon – Edition VIII: Slip King Roman a hundred bucks

by | Jun 5, 2020 | Opinion | 0 comments

Another week in the Territory and still no sign we want to be part of Australia, except for vertical drinking being back in town. From the cattle industry win to secret CLP speakeasy policy documents, here is what is good and gammon this week.

Northern cattle industry vindicated

It was great news for NT pastoralists with the Federal Court’s Justice Steven Rares finding in their favour in the class action against the Commonwealth over the banning of the live cattle trade in 2011. It is a complicated issue the cattle trade, but stopping an entire industry based essentially on a Four Corners report, was unlawful, “capricious” and “unreasonable”, Justice Rares found.

It is good the industry will get some compensation.

Law talking bloke

Another great benefit of the ruling was Justice Steven Rares introducing a large part of Australia to the meaning of the word misfeasance – even if they did have to look it up in the dictionary.

It is good Territorians know the meaning of misfeasance, it is a handy word to know up here.

Gammon definition = (3.) bad, shithouse

Brian O'Gallagher Facebook
We don’t know what this actually is from Boggy but it is definitely gammon.

Graphics with giant red clams/whales/lobster claws – whatever that bloody hell it is – with some karate dude kicking are gammon.

If you thought that didn’t make sense, cop an eyeful of this

NAG

new style of politics, by the people, for the people

Posted by No-Nonsense Newsnet on Thursday, June 4, 2020
This is the most gammon video ever made and will never be surpassed in gammonness.

The 14 hour six o’clock swill

Pubs can now serve grog again without food and punters can stay from open until close and booze the life out themselves if you want. We dub today, ‘Drink Yourself to Death Day’. The rivers of grog are back.

A scene from a Territory public house.

It is good people have the freedom to legally harm themselves in public again.

Wheelie bin theft victim support group

An NT Independent reader contacted us to complain about the loss of his wheelie bin.

“Can you mob report on my stolen wheelie bin too, f**kers emptied it on the road and kidnapped it. I know there’s bigger issues but I do feel violated (by it) being kidnapped.

Stealing someone’s wheelie bin is gammon rubbish.

Policy by crayon

Parties are starting to roll out policy before the August NT election. But the CLP’s seem to have been developed and written down on a napkin during some sort of long drinking session at a COVID-19 speakeasy. While they have not released all their policies, the NT Independent has managed to get a photo of their full policy dossier.

CLP policy document
Policy development is a grueling process that can cause horrible hangovers.

Honourable really? Get your hands off it

Darwin barrister Nikolai Christrup SC has been awarded the Knights Cross of the Order of the Dannebrog, a knighthood from the Danish Queen. But there’s an easier way to be knighted than sucking up to the Danish royal family. For $100 (self proclaimed) King Roman of Coconut Grove – the Grand Duke of Lithuania, Belarus, Ukraine and the Count of Lubraniec – will fix you up as a Knight of the Order of the Amethyst. You can find him here, or sometimes sitting outside Kmart. His mail order knighthoods are still more legit than the ‘honourable for life’ titles that can be handed to ex NT pollies, even when sensationally booted from office. Adam Giles, Peter Styles, Peter Chandler and Willem Westra van Holthe, applied to Chief Minister Michael Gunner to get the ‘honourable’ titles for life. And he approved them, allowing the granting by her royal highness of England.

Applying to be known as ‘honourable’ for life, and it being granted, is massively gammon. But good that Nikolai is heading up the unofficial Danish embassy in Darwin.

Is our schools good and that?

The William Wallace award for massacring English this week goes to Labor member for Brennan Tony Sievers who gave an interesting account to the Public Accounts Committee last week.

“Around home schooling, is our schools getting back to normal? Is there any numbers on most schools back to the new normal?” he said.

Tony Sievers Williams Wallace
What me fail English? That’s unpossible.

It’s buljit!

News Corp chief operating officer Damian Eales
Damian Eales, one of the saviours of country town journalism.

We had to give the indignity of being buljit to News Corp a second week in a row. Company chief operating officer, and guy wishing he was still partying at the frat house, Damian Eales, had a showstopper opinion piece in the NT News. His comments came a week after they announced stopping printing the Centralian Advocate, which the NT Independent has been told will leave just one journalist for a ‘digital publication’ without an actual website.

Eales said many people thought it was a disaster that the company was shutting so many country papers and folding many others into their metro mastheads. Head’s up… it’s not…apparently. He went on to mention how many digital subscribers they have in regional Queensland and didn’t mention the NT again. Nor the scale of job cuts they were making. In an amazing feat of trying to show how in-touch with the community the company really was, he showed how out of touch they are. It is funny how buljit and bullshit sound so much alike.

More good n’ gammon

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