Snake skin, tingling, ribbed, glow in the dark, ‘real feel’, and x-large condoms – the government cares about your sexual pleasure

by | Jun 18, 2020 | News | 0 comments

Gentlemen of more ample proportions are catered for with both green and yellow glow-in-the-dark condoms in the extra large size stipulated under a tender to supply more than 80,000 taxpayer-funded Johnnys for the Department of Health.

However, the government is providing only ‘warming’ condoms, not ‘cooling’ ones that would allow Top Enders to safely unburden their lust during the Build Up.

The 81,000 condoms requested under the three-year contract, are broken down into in the categories of coloured and flavoured, coloured – no flavour – no colour, and no flavour, non latex, and textured and sensation lubricated.

But ladies do not think the government is not thinking of you (well they are but to a lesser degree), with 2,000 non latex condoms for women – one size fits all, and 25,000 dental dams requested.

The government is mostly into flavoured condoms with 7,500 each of cola, blueberry, vanilla, strawberry. wildberry and strawberry slimfit. Why there was only slimfit in strawberry was not explained, but may say something about people who like strawberry condoms.

There are 1000 snake skin textured condoms but sadly none are flavoured. There are 5,000 different ribbed and or dotted prophylactics, a thousand each in the different flavours: blueberry; bubble gum; strawberry; vanilla; and wildberry. An additional 1000 ribbed and or dotted are flavourless, for the purists.

There are also 1000 warming and tingling condoms.

As well, there are 1000 warming, tingling and ribbed condoms, for those who want it all (apart from flavour). Warming condoms have a warming lubricant that heats on contact.

There are also cooling versions with a different lubricant but the government has not seen fit to make these available.

The tender that covers the areas of Alice Springs, Darwin, Katherine, Nhulunbuy, and Tennant Creek, also includes ‘real feel’ and ‘ultra sheer’ versions.

There are no glow-in-the-dark condoms in small or large size but 400 each in medium and extra large sizes, in yellow and green .

Also included in the tender are 81,000 lube sachets.

In 2016, the ABC reported Aboriginal rangers at Camooweal teamed with University of Queensland researchers to farm spinifex grass for making the world’s strongest, thinnest condoms.

It said project found the grass contained long fibres that “dramatically increased the durability of plastics and rubbers”.

Next stop, crocodile skin condoms.

In 2011, then Northern Territory Chief Minister Paul Henderson said it was not appropriate for condoms to be handed out at Darwin’s Bass in the Grass music festival after the organisers banned safe sex advocates from handing them out at the all-ages event.

“This is an event that parents feel very comfortable that their children are going to, that they’re going to be safe,” he said.

“I don’t know if I’d be too happy if my 14- or 15-year-old daughter was coming home with safe sex information, condoms and lube.”

The NT Government gives away condoms for sexual health promotion at various points across the Territory including health clinics, the BP service station in Tennant Creek, and Gove Hospital’s Emergency Department, so if you’re waiting for a loved one and the urge comes over you, you’re covered.

Click here for a full list of places to get your Gunner Government franger.

Category 1: Coloured/flavour
1Black / Cola7,500
2Blue / Blueberry7,500
3Crème / Vanilla7,500
4Pink / Strawberry7,500
5Purple / Wildberry7,500
6Small – Red / Strawberry (Slimfit)7,500
Category 2: Coloured/no flavour
7Medium – Silver / No Flavour200
8Medium – Glow-in-the-dark – Yellow200
9Medium – Glow-in-the-dark – Green200
10Medium – Black / No Flavour2,500
11Medium – Blue / No Flavour200
12Medium – Dark Blue / No Flavour200
13Medium – Orange / No Flavour200
14Medium – Pink / No Flavour200
15Medium – Purple / No Flavour200
16Medium – Red / No Flavour200
17Medium – White / No Flavour200
18Large – Red / No Flavour1,000
19X Large – Glow-in-the-dark – Yellow Condoms200
20X Large – Glow-in-the-dark – Green Condoms200
21X Large – Black / No Flavour200
22X Large – Blue / No Flavour200
23X Large – Dark Blue / No Flavour200
24X Large – Orange / No Flavour200
25X Large – Pink / No Flavour200
26X Large – Purple / No Flavour200
27X Large – Red / No Flavour1,000
28X Large – White / No Flavour1,000
Category 3: No coloured/no flavour
29Small – Slimfit Natural200
30Medium – Natural2,000
31Medium – Real Feel200
32Medium – Ultra Sheer Natural200
33Large – Natural200
34X Large – Natural200
Category 4: Non latex
35Non Latex Condoms for Men – one size fits all2,000
36Non Latex Condoms for Women – one size fits all2,000
Category 5: Textured/sensation lubricated
37Ribbed and/or Dotted Condoms – No Flavour1,000
38Ribbed and/or Dotted Condoms – Blueberry1,000
39Ribbed and/or Dotted Condoms – Bubble gum1,000
40Ribbed and/or Dotted Condoms – Strawberry1,000
41Ribbed and/or Dotted Condoms – Vanilla1,000
42Ribbed and/or Dotted Condoms – Wildberry1,000
43Snake Skin texture – No flavoured1,000
44Warming / Tingling Sensation Condoms1,000
45Warming / Tingling Sensation Ribbed Condoms1,000
Category: Dams
46Dams – Blueberry5,000
47Dams – Bubblegum5,000
48Dams – Strawberry5,000
49Dams – Vanilla5,000
50Dams – Wildberry5,000
Category 7 Lubrication
51Personal Lubrication Sachets – Silicone Base1,000
52Personal Lubrication Sachets – Water Base80,000
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