Another week in the Territory and doesn’t democracy feel good? From the law firm of Collins,Tippett and Schwarzenegger, to the festival of Satan’s jocks, to the NT Administrator Vicki O’Halloran joining the festival of banning the free press.

Lighting up Alice

The ten day Parrtjima – A Festival in Light – has begun in Alice Springs and will include 2km of the MacDonnell Ranges being lit up and some large-scale installations arranged in formation around Alice Springs Desert Park. The theme is Lifting Our Spirits, which is apt in these COVID-19 times.

Festivals, especially during the COVID troubles are good.

The festival of Satan’s jocks

It a nice time for a festival in the Centre but a little tougher going in the Top End. However, they will not be denied. There is the Mango Madness Festival at the Darwin Waterfront in late October and the Laksa Festival from late October to late November. It’s actually called the Darwin International Laksa Festival but we are not sure where the international bit comes from – it’s probably like the World Series in Major League Baseball. Where the word ‘world’ is to deflect from the fact the rest of the world doesn’t care. But we think the perfect festival to bring the punters in from other parts is our idea of Satan’s Jocks Festival. Do you like feeling equal parts homicidal and suicidal? Do we have the time of year for you to visit!

The Build up is good – or so we are led to believe.

Who would have thought it could be done? Blocking out the sun

There is some sort of Nobel prize in the physics or perhaps shade provision category for the people who designed the shaded walkway in Bennett St in Darwin. They came up with the genius idea of putting a steel, roof-like apparatus above the walkway that blocks the sun. While for a long time scientists believed the best way to provide shade was to build a massive pergola like structure, and try to convince vines without the capability to do so, to grow and cover it and thus provide shade. This has all been blown out of the water now. Actually, the little portable gazebo used to sell tickets for the Hop On Hop Off bus provides more shade than the Cavenagh St shade structure does after almost two years. It really hasn’t been shady there since the Don Hotel existed. Maybe the government should have just bought 20 of them and extended their height with star pickets. Could have got change out of $2,500, rather than $2.7 million.

This genius piece of equipment was developed by NASA for the space program but has found other uses.

Not back on the tools

Twice in the lead up to the election this column suggested Member for Port Darwin Paul Kirby was cooked and would be back on the tools after word came through his colleagues had given him no hope of retaining his seat. We were obviously wrong. Kirbs is still honourbale and we have egg on our faces.

Humility is good.

Good old boys

We hear the CLP president has been in Cairns with Adam Giles on business relating to a mining venture. It is good to see good friends stick together and who needs fresh faces to rebuild a party?

It is good to have good friends.

Beasting it up

Former MLA for Fong Lim Jeff Collins was snapped on election day shirtless. We don’t know why but we think maybe that he was worried the anti-fracking policy was not helping Territory Alliance so he was pushing for the sexy times vote. While Kirby won’t be going back on the tools, Collins will be, but as a law talking guy not dancing at Throb. But we think his best bet is to join forces in a new practice, Collins, Tippett and Schwarzenegger.

Having the ability to take it out to the car park if you can’t win it in the courtroom is good.

The outdoor life

We are told that former Labor chief minister Clare Martin would never ever hold press conferences inside Parliament House. She liked to get out amongst it. It has now been 91 days since current Chief Minister Michael Gunner (and Martin’s former chief of staff) ran from the NT Independent at a press conference held outside, rescheduling it to inside Parliament House. His office has even gone so far as to stop sending emails to all journos alerting them about press conferences, instead ringing news desks direct, because the NT Independent has friends in the media who care more about the principles of democracy than the current government does, and were telling us when the pressers were on.

These are the people in your neighbourhood: The Chief Minister’s head spin doctor Maria Billias. If you see her around town give her a wave and tell her you appreciate what she’s doing.

And yes, Territory taxpayer, you are paying at least one spin doctor, Maria Billias, probably about $200,000 a year to do this on your behalf. In unrelated news, Maria went down south before the federal election last year to help out on Shorten’s campaign. We can’t say too much but it didn’t turn out well for her. Lucky for us Territorians, we guess. Now she has time to strategise how to block the free press. Making the Territory proud.

Chief ministers getting out and getting some fresh air is good.

Dennis Denuto arguing on behalf of the NT Administrator Vicki O’Halloran against the freedom of political communication guaranteed by the Australian Constitution.

An important, apolitical role in democracy – aping the Chief Minister

The NT Administrator Vicki O’Halloran covered herself in glory this week when she called security on the NT Independent while we were at her posh digs trying to cover the swearing in of the new cabinet for the good folk of the NT. It may be because she did not like us reporting on the cost of her overseas trips. Mrs O’Halloran, who clearly does not understand her role in the functioning of democracy, only the garden party side of it, became probably the first Administrator/Governor/Governor-General to exclude the free press from such an event. In a scary sign for the Territory, she has obviously been influenced by Labor who are also big fans of blocking the free press. Just when you thought the Territory might have already been a big enough joke. She really should be removed from her position. But as the NT Independent has already proved in its short life, reporting on the actions of politicians and senior public servants does not lead to consequences in the NT unless the ICAC gets involved. All the rest is just part of the great Territory lifestyle.

The politicisation of the role of the Administrator is gammon.

We did manage to get a souvenir pic though

Ministers of the 14th Legislative Assembly with politically neutral media enforcer Administrator Vicki O’Halloran.

If anyone was ever primed for a swearing in it would be Sweary Mick. Although we prophesied the political death of his potty mouthed every-man caricature after the election win, we heard him cussing on the radio a few days ago. Although we had security called on us and unfortunately were not able to cover the swearing-in or stay for tea and cake with the Administrator and Chief Minister afterwards, but we presume it went well and this crappy tin pot democracy that we have just got stronger. Maybe the NT media should do some more reporting on these violations when they happen? Hard to say of course. Anyway Chief Minister Michael Gunner has taken on the job as Treasurer. But in the dangerous world of politics we remind him, of the adage, keep your friends close, your enemies closer and yourself even closer still. We reckon he could take on all the of the portfolios and ward off any leadership threats from his colleagues. He can be the Super Minister. The Super Chief Minister. Best to be in the tent yourself.

Being firmly in control as a leader is good.

A final word

Well may we say “God save the Queen”, because nothing will save the NT Administrator!