EXCLUSIVE: Darwin’s main arterial road, Tiger Brennan Drive, will become a tollway to help pay for Labor’s fight against youth crime, and will also be re-named Michael Gunner Way in honour of the Northern Territory’s second longest-serving Labor chief minister, leaked documents reveal.
The leaked documents were provided by a source with intimate knowledge of the plan, but who spoke on the condition of anonymity, saying the plan was to announce the name change on May 9, the anniversary date of Mr Gunner’s resignation as chief minister.
Mr Gunner was chief minister for 2081 days from August 31, 2016 to May 13, 2022. Labor’s Clare Martin was chief minister for 2282 days, from August 27, 2001, to November 26, 2007. Both served less time in the top job than CLP chief ministers Paul Everingham and Marshall Perron.
Harold “Tiger” Brennan AO, who was known for wearing pith helmets and for his love of a stiff drink, and was a champion for self government, a prospector, battler for the underdog,Territory politician from 1955 to 1971, and Darwin Mayor when Cyclone Tracy hit. He also once suggested the Territory should secede from the Commonwealth.
In the wake of Mr Gunner’s resignation, independent MLA Robyn Lambley said she was told by the Independent Commissioner Against Corruption that Mr Gunner, and ultimately his office, and his brother-in-law and former chief of staff Ryan Neve, were under investigation for the alleged misuse of public funds involving election campaign trips during the 2020 election.
Like almost all ICAC investigations under the current Commissioner, that investigation has disappeared without a trace.
The source said the renaming of Tiger Brennan Drive would cost millions of dollars with a gala ball to be held to honour Mr Gunner for his selfless contribution, where the surprise announcement was to be made.
There will also be an extra cost in replacing the two $360,000 variable messaging signs installed on the highway in December, with larger, more advanced and more expensive versions, that will allow a huge video screen of Mr Gunner’s face to accompany any road safety messages.
The NT Independent understands that when there are no road safety issues, the screen will alternate some of Mr Gunner’s most famous quotes and phrases, such as “tin hat-wearing tossers”, “saving lives, saving jobs”, “the comeback capital”, “snifficant” and the infamous, “I’m sick of fucking around”.
People will also be able to tune their radio to a special station created specifically for the purpose of listening to Mr Gunner’s most impassioned speeches while they drive down his road.
The document gave his replacement and protege Chief Minister Natasha Fyles – who has basically been a clone of him on policy – thoughts for the name change.
“We have been thinking of an appropriate way to honour the man who put the Territory in the position it is today,” she wrote.
“And how did we get here? By following Michael Gunner’s way.
“You need to remember, during COVID-19 he literally saved the life of every single Territorian. There is no disputing that, he told us that himself.
“He is a man of integrity. An example is how he based the NT’s future on the extraction of gas from the Beetaloo, which will come with unprecedented carbon emissions in the face on an impending climate crisis, before retiring to take up a pretend job from a billionaire focusing on alternative energy, saying he was doing it in hopes of ensuring a brighter future for his and all of the Territory’s children.
“How can you not be in awe of such a man? How could you not name Australia’s most insignificant highway after him?
“And personally, I have a lot to thank him for, how would I ever have made it to the big chair without his creative campaigning methods?
“We thought what better way to honour him than to name a road after him that thousands of Territorians have used, and continue to use, to relocate to safer states whose economies are not completely broken. Which, of course, is all of them.
“And by making it a tollway we can overcome one of his greatest legacies, the fact we are completely broke, to pay for his other great legacy, the out-of-control youth crime problem.
“We will partly use some of the money to increase Police Commissioner Jamie Chalker’s wage.
“And who the hell was Tiger Brennan anyway? I always thought that was a made up name anyway. Like a generalised nod to people who fought in World War II. It really sounds like some character from a Biggles book.
“Anyway, with this decision people will finally have to see how hard we are working and acknowledge our world class youth crime policies. Which will be great because I’m sick of having to blow my government’s trumpet in the face of overwhelming evidence that we are actually the worst in Territory history.
“And no matter what we do in the future, that will be an unmatched feat.”
Other ideas for honouring the Gunner-Fyles governments through road names include Transparency Boulevard, Boundless Possible Parade, Snifficant Street, Tough On Crime Court, and Forty Billion Dollar Delusion Drive.
NOTE: This article is one of two April Fool’s Day stories we published this year, the other that Police Commissioner Jamie Chalker was given a four year contract extension.
What about the COVID Law suits starting in South Africa which will attemp to indict Fauci, Gate, Blackrock etc for poisoning citizens with a mandated vaccine which has killed & maimed citizens. Gunner bullied NT citizens with a mandated vaccine to keep a job or travel. Rather than having a road named after him he, NTG CHO Hugh Heggie & Health Minister Natasha Fyles should be charged for health crimes against humanity.