Warning: this article contains discussion of mental health and suicide.

The daughter of a long serving NT Police officer says her father was forced into medical retirement because of trauma from his work, and after management ignored his multiple suicide attempts. She says senior police refused to help him with his mental health and have never provided therapy.

OPINION: I am the daughter of a broken Northern Territory police officer who served many years to protect your families, friends, or loved ones.

My dad is medically retired now.

He went on sick leave in November 2015, and was finally medically retired three years later, after multiple suicide attempts and being physically not capable of working again.

He was mentally checked out; he couldn’t live his normal everyday life without barriers or triggers stopping him. A switch flicked within him and he no longer became capable of protecting himself, let alone anyone else.

NT Police were informed multiple times of Dad’s suicide attempts while he was still and officer, and his cries for help. Yet we were given no response whatsoever.

Higher ranked officers were informed by his colleagues, and by Dad himself on shifts asking for support, but they simply didn’t care nor was it taken seriously or further.

We discussed it over the table with a few of Dad’s co-workers who had become family to us and good mates of Dad’s. They tried to get help for him through NT Police but received no answers.

We had to tell them to take his gun away. He was on sick leave but still had access to his guns. We had to tell them how he could just walk in and grab his gun and no one would bat an eyelid. One officer (who wishes not to be named as still serving for NT Police) contacted a superintendent about it. They couldn’t believe he still had his gun, and emailed Dad regarding this and then those rights were taken away.

But there was no more communication from NT Police about Dad.

Our final attempt to communicate what was happening was through Work Cover, who also informed NT Police, but again no communication was received.

The only time Dad has heard from NT Police was his email of retirement after more than 25 years of serving. His belongings were dropped off in a box at our house by an administration officer.

Did we receive support? No.

Did NT Police reach out to offer services? No.

Did the police force check in on family members who had sleepless nights? No. To provide any help? No.

I have no emotion anymore. This is my life. I am not living. I am surviving.

My father is alive but he is not living. I wake up every day to do my welfare checks on my father.

I go on WhatsApp to be able to see when he was recently online or if he has been online today. Just so I know he is breathing.

I help him with medical appointments. I’m his ear to talk to. His therapist. His daughter. His personal motivator. I’m doing all this whilst studying to be a nurse myself.

Let me take you back to five years ago. I had just found out I was pregnant. My dad tried to commit suicide the day I was planning to tell him.

Imagine the happiest day of your life turned into the most challenging day, tracking your dad down on Find Your iPhone.

He had a bad mental health day this day and spent the day in a dark lounge room, struggling to cope with his demons, and had mentally checked out. Something within him snapped and he grabbed his keys and took off in his car and headed towards the scrub. This was a normal place for my dad to drive to as mentally he thought he wouldn’t be found there, he thought he could hide away and end his life, and wouldn’t be found to be stopped.

But we could track him through iPhone and see where he was driving to. Praying he was still breathing. Worried I was about to find his body on the side of the road.

He was on sick leave and still serving in the force. Police were informed by Dad’s good mates, who were also serving in the force at that time. These where the men who helped bring my dad home from out in the bush. But no one who was told about from NT Police reached out to him or his family.

We wanted to get him help but we were ignored. Left in the dark. I spent time living with my Dad during this time.

I watched my parents go from this happy marriage, to barely speaking, to tears, to arguments, to not being in the same room and then divorce. It was hard watching something so strong crumble to the ground piece by piece and having to support both of them whilst dealing with my own mental battles also.

I became his primary support person while being a single parent who was just out of a domestic violence relationship and begging for help and support but not even receiving a call.

Imagine spending nights listening to your dad screaming in his sleep of pure horror and demons. Imagine your dad spending days in dark room, drinking to numb the pain and refusing to be present in this world.

Jamie Chalker, your police force praises support for mental health when all it does is bully, and torment, neglect, and ignore.

The NT Police force lacks basic support resources, and doesn’t even offer conversations for struggling officers.

Imagine there is a highly praised police officer who is in mental health promotion awareness who is a pure bully, and belittled a very long-serving police officer.

My dad was bullied and tormented every shift because he was not feeling capable of completing his job. He had vast experience but he was belittled and judged for his work because he was struggling. He was made to feel he wasn’t good enough.

Dad and another co-worker approached a senior officer – who now apparently features as a face for NT Police mental health – after attending six fatalities in six weeks and begged for some sort of support to help deal with it. He laughed in their faces and stated, “not our problem”.

The two bullying officers never communicated with lower ranked officers, or checked on their mental health, but everyday they walked in and went straight to their offices and closed the door.

In one instance, Dad tried to commit suicide and was mentally not stable to be back at work but he was ordered back into work and ordered to return to duty with no excuses.

In this instant Dad reached out to these officers, and also another officer, and told them he wasn’t mentally stable, and could not work his shift. He was told to complete his shift, and it was not their problem he wasn’t stable enough to do his shift.

He was made to feel so small and began to hate himself and doubt his every move after more than 20 years of serving.

My Dad’s mental health finally cracked. He had so many built-up emotions. He had nightmares. And he was reliving all these fatalities everyday with no support.

Dad spent every day locked in his lounge room drinking till he fell asleep. It numbed reality for him.

We even purchased a Staffy who we had trained as an assistance dog to help support Dad with his PTSD. And the NT Police Association helped Dad find a lawyer. But the union did nothing else for him.

As for therapy, my dad had to find his own therapist, and pay for it for three years.

Two years ago, my dad suffered two massive heart attacks, from stress and depression.

He was given a one per cent survival rate. He still has massive complications to deal with everyday. I had to leave my child in another state to be by his bedside for two weeks begging his demons not to take him.

I went weeks with no sleep by his bedside crying for him to wake up. I had my daughter, Face Timing him, screaming in tears to have her Pa wake up.

I listen to never ending calls of him wanting to commit suicide but I beg him to be here for me and my daughter. I have fear everyday of having to write his eulogy. I shouldn’t have to think like that but I do because I know soon, I’m going to get a phone call that will be the end.

I have to explain to my now five-year-old why her Pa jumps every time a siren goes off because of triggers. Or why she can’t scream with happiness around him because it triggers him from the screams of children he has had to deal with.

I have to explain to my daughter why Mummy cries to Pa on the phone. The painful screams, begging him to wake up tomorrow.

Tell me, NT Police, how are you offering my family support?

Because of the nature of the police force, and how former members stay in contact, NT Police would have known about his condition but they have still not contacted my father. Where are our rights to be healed and appreciated?

How can you mend the pieces of a once proud man who has become this broken man who lives his nightmares?

I have raised my daughter with respect as I have also been raised. But I now think why?

I ask the NT Police executive why should I teach her to respect you? How will I explain to my daughter that the people I raised her to respect are the one who led my father to take his life with a lack of support?

No answer?

That is right. That is the answer we have been receiving for many, many years. Should I wait for the NT Police to explain?

I’ll pray you Mr Chalker realise how much of a failed system you have, and how you make families broken and stressed and suffer while you toot your own horn online.

How is it fair that I wake every day to check if my father is still alive? It hurts.

Next time NT Police will hear from me is when my father is no longer with us.

I’ll support my hero, my Dad, and my family without help. I will do everything in my power to raise awareness to the fallen and get justice that they deserve, just like I am now trying to raise awareness to those still fighting.

It is honestly so hard to relive the past six or so years, these being the hardest moments of my life.

It’s so hard to put into writing the pain my family has been through and try to be respectful of my Dad and other people involved also, but I’m here to share our story in hopes that this makes just one person question things.

Maybe just one standing officer to tap another officer on the shoulder and ask ‘are you ok?’.

Many people have such strong opinions on police officers but don’t realise that it’s not just officers, it’s the people behind them also. Think of your family, your dad was serving in the police. It can be like a domino effect. He falls and you are there to catch him. You don’t want to let him fall.

I don’t want to let my dad fall. But I only have someone small behind me who isn’t strong enough to catch me.

So who will catch me if I fall?

I don’t have any support, but I’m expected to support my father.

Who is here for us?

What is my emotion about this? I have none anymore. I’ve lost faith in the world, in humanity.