If you don’t know what gammin means, it means you’re gammin
For those who are new to the Territory (not too bloody many these days with the Democratic Republic of the Northern Territory (DRoNT) declared by new dad General Fannie Bay) read the above image and welcome to a new, in a small but very important way, of talking.
This will make make you a real budju (that is for another lesson).
For the rest of us, this is the newspaper column the NT has been missing.
Every week we will be listing what we think is gammin (or gammon – we will be doing a poll) and then taking it to the people to ask you what you think is gammin this week.
Then we will add what you say to what we say and we will have the definitive ‘What’s gammin this week”.
So let’s race off and start, like a potentially infected interstater from an NT border quarantine check.
It is a sad thing this column has not existed until now because if it had, this slogan #Boundless Embarrassable, may not have existed for so long.
But this column was born for this slogan and this slogan born for this column.
Now we will have to wait for the government to come for us because surely that must have been the concern for the one Territory media outlet that we know of, that instructed staff not to be critical of the slogan using its social media accounts. #Boundless Controllable.
It cost $1.5 million in public funds and this what one nameless and faceless government lackey told the ABC sometime after its launch.
“Our masterbrand — Boundless Possible — has six months of research [which could only have been boozy long lunches] behind it and it reflects our modern Territory story,” the government spin doctor managed to say without choking on their own vomit.
“It will work to change negative interstate perceptions and attract people and create jobs.”
#Pure Boundless Spindoctorable.
Let it become Boundless Nonexistantable.
That’s #Boundless Gamminable.
Tell us what’s gammin
What do you think’s gammin this week? Let us know. It can even be us.Email us at email@example.com or direct message us on social media to be included.
That dog’s gammin.
Enough room to swing a buffalo
We live in an area twice the size of Texas with less than one per cent of the population and the government asks us to stay 1.5 metres away or one person every 0.0000015//km².
The population density of the NT is one person for every 0.18/km².
Yet we get a pizza delivered and the bloke at the end of the box practically licks our face.
And patches of the Darwin Botanic Gardens can feel like peak hour on a Beijing train.
At times you can literally see people walking towards you to intrude on that 1.5 metres of space, when there is 200 metres without another person in either direction.
Get. The. Bloody hell. Away. From. Us.
That’s gratefully gammin.
How did we end up with egg heads writing for us?
This week the Independent published our first internal opinion piece, General Fannie Bay: Your leader in crisis. Unfortunately, it was by David Wood.
While not known for his fancy learning (although he does assure us he’s studied and passed comedy – twice), words such as, rostrum, assemblage, invective, vituperation and gravitas were all featured very early on in the piece.
Our Publisher admitted to not ever hearing of these words before, let alone having any knowledge of the meaning of such words.
Others on Facebook, the cradle of loving humanity, put it a different way.
Sam Burt Clearly David wood is a fuckhead what we need NOW is stability in gov and like it or not both sides of government are delivering that at present , I commend both of them
Dallas Frakking ...This piece is disjointed, clumsy while failing miserably in it’s attempt at being clever….There’s already a total over supply of opinionated, misleading, self righteous horseshit peddled as news out there as it is. More sloppy pieces like this one results in a careless ‘unfollow’ of your Page.
Journalists of the NT Independent have committed to using more words, that even our Publisher will “understand good.”
Because he was educated in the Territory and that don’t necessarily make you read and rit good.
Shaking the sauce bottle too much
Here at the Independent we understand that a politician cannot waste the opportunity of a good crisis, but fair shake of the sauce bottle Chief Minister.
This week Michael Gunner took his newly Glen 20-ed public identity, that is now capable of killing 99.99 per cent of bacteria and viruses, to the extreme with a 33-minute Facebook movie at the Palmerston Library where he read children’s books and sang nursery rhymes.
While he is a dad now and we could put it down as last minute crammin’, because it went for so long, it has to be called gammin.
Free government home delivery of COVID-19 quaratinees
The Gunner Government started forcing incomers to the DRoNT to stay at hotels from last Thursday, then from Saturday the despised ones from down south started having to pay for time at His Majesty’s pleasure themselves at close to triple the cost of what people had been able to do it for privately the week before.
It was going swimmingly until the NTG put people in apartments in the 130 Esplande building owned by trusted friends of the Labor party, the Halikos Group.
Unfortunately the building is primarily made up of private residences with some elderly and immuno-compromised people.
That’s COVIDLY gammin.
Gammin up in lights
Unfortunately social distancing for COVID-19 saw the death of Bruce Munro’s Darwin Tropical Light exhibition.
What we do not understand is how the requirement to stand 1.5 metres away from other people would have affected this exhibition.
The government could have used it as a quarantine facility.
The government was to spend $3.5 million on the exhibition that was to last 157 days, which is more than $22,000 per day.
The ICAC gets $3 million in funding per year.
Blowing bulk money trying to bring people to Darwin in the heat of the Wet? That’s gammin.