Dearly beloved, we are gathered together in the sight of God, (Lia Finocchiaro and her CLP apostles), for a special Christmas in October edition of Clown Town to celebrate the Crisis of the Pageant of the Damned. Let’s again wallow in the misdeeds, malfeasance and asinine behaviour of our elected leaders and explore that sweet corruption-incompetence nexus that makes us all feel at home in the Great God-Fearing Territory Lifestyle.

There are demons walking amongst us.

And they have taken human form.

Can I get a hallelujah?

Luckily, there is a former Jesus biscuit-chewing altar boy amongst the NT Independent ranks, so we have an eye for spotting demons.

Who you think those demons are, depends on who you are.

If you are not across the latest example of early onset Mango Madness you can read it all here. It’s shaped up as the Darwin Council versus the all-singing, all-dancing, all-shouting Happy Clappers, while the Major Events Minister, Marie-Clare Boothby, who also cosplays as the Attorney-General, is attempting to steal a Christmas Pageant for the government and add it to the Major Events line up alongside the Supercars, the Noonamah Tavern Melbourne Cup Frog Races, the Red Centre Nats and the Million Dollar Fish Competition – Jesus should actually have a shot at landing a million dollar barra with his walking on water deal.

According to Lord Mayor Peter Styles, the March for Jesus folk, who were banned from taking part due to alleged complaints, think the demons are the Santa-loving heathens who watched on at last year’s Darwin Council Christmas pageant parade.

The council said the group had been “overbearing, intimidating and confronting” and Styles said Friday on radio that spectators had complained members of the MFJ told them “God was coming for their children because they had been demonised”.

The MFJ group also probably think the council is staffed by demons because they banned them from strutting and shouting for Jesus H. Christ.

The Lord Mayor also now thinks the Finocchiaro Government are demons for trying to steal the Christmas pageant off them. And likewise the government thinks council is the worst kind of demons, the un-Australian kind.

We have an Old Testament God-type government in the Territory, in its vengeful smiting of enemies, and despite its omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, omnibenevolent, omnitemporal powers it is still struggling to stop the decomposing bodies at Royal Darwin Hospital.

But it has now found a way to make Christmas smell like a political stunt.

It is amazing what they find the time, energy, and willingness to wade into.

Ms Boothby, using her divine authority as the Minister for Overbearing, Intimidating and Confronting Christians, put out a farcical press release saying the decision to ban the Christian group could only be described as “un-Australian” and would outrage Territorians.

Why it is un-Australian is anyone’s guess, but by outraging Territorians, we think she meant it outraged the Australian Christian Lobby, who seem to be the special spiritual advisors to NT Pope Lia I.

The ACL’s Nicholas Lay praised the government’s work, pointing out the MFJers played gospel music, handed out gospels and repeatedly announced over the microphone that ‘Jesus loves you’. Which is apparently a good thing.

“This was to remind people of the origin of Christmas and God’s saving grace,” Mr Lay said.

If God really was our saving grace we would not have had the last three governments, and the last two councils.

Why God would allow the group to get punted from the line up in the first place if he really wanted them representing him is the question.

But as they say, he/she/it/they work in mysterious ways, as does the NTG.

Cardinal Boothby promised the government would take over running the event from next year to restore its glory, even though the council says it is their event so they don’t understand on what authority this would occur. Despite also being the Attorney-General, rules and the law have never been her strong suit.

The inconvenient part of all this is that other Christian groups have been approved by the council to participate this year, so it is hardly an attack on Christianity.

Styles accused Boothby and the CLP Government of “manufacturing political division” and that the council “makes no apologies for putting the safety and enjoyment of Darwin families first”.

All of them are sounding rather Trumpian.

If anything could match the absurdity of the situation it was ABC Radio Darwin’s Drive program coverage.

Thursday afternoon saw host Adam Steer running rolling updates on the “breaking news” that Boothby had assumed control of the Christmas pageant. He was close to announcing he would spend the night in the studio if that’s what it took to get to the bottom of this developing story.

At one point, his producer was brought on air to give everyone the latest on Boothby’s movements, explaining that her office said she was unavailable for an interview because she was officially “on leave”.

Steer nearly lost it.

He was incredulous that the Minister would make such a serious decree, such as assuming control of a Christmas pageant a full year from now, and then simply jet off on holidays.

The producer said he was unsure if that was how it went down, explaining that her office simply said she was on leave and unavailable, but that she had taken the time to record a message for ABC to play about the situation.

An early Christmas present from the Minister!

But Steer deprived us all of hearing the Christmas saviour’s message, which undoubtedly would have sounded like a thousand angels singing, explaining that playing pre-recorded messages was against ABC’s policies. He also failed to get the jolly fat man in red to offer his hot take on the whole sordid affair, which surely would have brought some clarity from the one figure in all of this not suffering through early onset Mango Madness.

In any case, we are now calling for a fight-to-the-death duelling Christmas Pageant next year. It will be bigger than Connolly versus Gosling.

And rowdy. The council had complained MFJ was too loud last year, having used a megaphone during their marching, sounding a bit more like trade unionists that missionaries, but said it is working with the group to find a way to approve them to march this year provided they respect the code of conduct.

If they get re-admitted the group is asking people to join them to dance, sing, proclaim, shout, pray, glorify with all your might and all your strength!

Council might want to refer them to Habakkuk, chapter two, verse 20: “The Lord is in his holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before him”.

In the NT, demons are not supernatural beings, they are metaphors for the behaviour of people who get into power here, particularly our current Mean Girl Government.

Richard Dawkins, the evolutionary biologist and atheist author in the 2006 book The God Delusion wrote: “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction.” We say governance in the Northern Territory is the most extraordinary work of political fiction in Australia.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was getting elected in the NT.

Can we get an amen to that!