Yarn of the week: 100 per cent false yarns about Territorians who may or may not exist

by | May 25, 2022 | Territory's Best | 0 comments

Do you have a 100 percent false yarn? We are publishing the best yarn of the week and we want to get your submissions that offer a fun, positive view of the Territory and its characters.

Send your submissions to [email protected] or direct to our Facebook page inbox.

The only rules are that it must be Territorian and 100 per cent false. Alluding to characters who may or may not be real is up to you. You can remain anonymous or be named as the author.

Yarn of the week, May 25th, 2022

Jerald, a middle-aged truckie from Tennant Creek has recently become single. He was up in the big smoke of Darwin for the weekend and headed into the that new swanky cocktail bar that with the thought of picking up.

He was standing at the bar with his normal country bloke stance with his Wrangler shirt and ringer jeans, trucker cap slightly lifted and his sunnies on to hide the fact his eyes don’t point quite in the same direction. Clearly, he had something different to offer form the other guys in the bar who had more of a metrosexual appearance.

Jerald, although he has put a few kilos on of late still poses a strong physical silhouette. It didn’t take long and a stunning girl looking for something different approached him.

She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.’

Jerald who isn’t short of a dollar see the opportunity and replies, ‘Yeh, why not?’ He pulls his RM Williams wallet out of his pocket and lays $300 on the bar, leans down and whispers in her ear “wash… my… truck”.

Yarn of the week, May 4th, 2022

Kev has a block out the back of Darwin River, where he goes most weekends to get away from his unit in the city and refresh from working his mundane job for some not for profit that lives of the Government.

He was driving back to town one Sunday saw a sign on a fence on Cox Peninsular Rd “Talking dog for sale”. Kev thought to himself clearly the owner of this joint must be selling some good weed and he went in to entertain himself and maybe score. He walks in and sees a bloke sitting on his front deck in a rocking chair and had the rural smile of at least four teeth. Next to him was a Dog that looked to be mostly Labrador. Kev says to the man “What’s ya dogs name?” Before the man could respond the dog said “Don’t be rude mate you can ask me directly, me name is Boof”

After the shock Kev recovers and says “So, what’s your story”. Boof replies “Well I worked out about 2 years ago I could talk, I told a few people down at the pub and then I was recruited by NT Police to do special ops hanging around people of interest and reporting back to the brass. No one would ever think a dog would be eaves dropping”

“I became one of their most valuable assets, I got great intel on the cocaine sex scandal, I even hang around the Darwin Turf club for the ICAC for a few months so they didn’t have to record everyone.”

“So why aren’t you there now” Kev asked.

Boof replied “Well, Chalker and Smalpage had me on the case of finding the NT Independents leaks form the NT Police but I couldn’t find them so they sacked me”

Kev was absolutely amazed, and he asked the owner “How much do you want for the dog”

“Ten Dollars’’ the owner replies

“TEN DOLLARS? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling it so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit” the man said.

It is unknown if Kev ever scored any weed.

Yarn of the week, April 27, 2022

Geoff and his best mate Jaz lived on neighbouring properties that bordered on the Katherine River. In the runoff they would go down to the river and catch cherabin for bait. One evening they grabbed their bucket and headed down with a few coldies and as they neared the river, they could hear voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As they got closer, they saw a bunch of young ladies skinny dipping in the river. Both men being of reputable character made the ladies aware of their presence and the ladies made their way to deeper water.

One of the girls shouted “We’re not coming out until you leave”.

Geoff frowned, “We didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked”.

Then Jaz held up the bucket and said, “We only come down to feed our pet crocodile”.

Jaz was always a little quicker on his feet than his best mate Geoff.

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