Yarn of the week: 100 per cent false yarns about Territorians who may or may not exist

by | May 11, 2022 | Territory's Best | 0 comments

Do you have a 100 percent false yarn? We are publishing the best yarn of the week and we want to get your submissions that offer a fun, positive view of the Territory and its characters.

Send your submissions to [email protected] or direct to our Facebook page inbox.

The only rules are that it must be Territorian and 100 per cent false. Alluding to characters who may or may not be real is up to you. You can remain anonymous or be named as the author.

Yarn of the week, May 11th, 2022

Last week Paul made his way to the sold out Eels v Cowboy game at TIO stadium last week. After arriving he made his way to his seat right next to the oval.

He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and to the Cowboy supporter sitting on the other side of the empty sea and asks if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the Cowboy supporter. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said Paul. ‘This game is sold out, who in their right mind would have a seat like this?’

The Cowboy supporter says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first NRL game in the NT we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a mate, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’

The Cowboy supporter shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at her funeral.’

 

Yarn of the week, May 4th, 2022

Kev has a block out the back of Darwin River, where he goes most weekends to get away from his unit in the city and refresh from working his mundane job for some not for profit that lives of the Government.

He was driving back to town one Sunday saw a sign on a fence on Cox Peninsular Rd “Talking dog for sale”. Kev thought to himself clearly the owner of this joint must be selling some good weed and he went in to entertain himself and maybe score. He walks in and sees a bloke sitting on his front deck in a rocking chair and had the rural smile of at least four teeth. Next to him was a Dog that looked to be mostly Labrador. Kev says to the man “What’s ya dogs name?” Before the man could respond the dog said “Don’t be rude mate you can ask me directly, me name is Boof”

After the shock Kev recovers and says “So, what’s your story”. Boof replies “Well I worked out about 2 years ago I could talk, I told a few people down at the pub and then I was recruited by NT Police to do special ops hanging around people of interest and reporting back to the brass. No one would ever think a dog would be eaves dropping”

“I became one of their most valuable assets, I got great intel on the cocaine sex scandal, I even hang around the Darwin Turf club for the ICAC for a few months so they didn’t have to record everyone.”

“So why aren’t you there now” Kev asked.

Boof replied “Well, Chalker and Smalpage had me on the case of finding the NT Independents leaks form the NT Police but I couldn’t find them so they sacked me”

Kev was absolutely amazed, and he asked the owner “How much do you want for the dog”

“Ten Dollars’’ the owner replies

“TEN DOLLARS? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling it so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit” the man said.

It is unknown if Kev ever scored any weed.

Yarn of the week, April 27, 2022

Geoff and his best mate Jaz lived on neighbouring properties that bordered on the Katherine River. In the runoff they would go down to the river and catch cherabin for bait. One evening they grabbed their bucket and headed down with a few coldies and as they neared the river, they could hear voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As they got closer, they saw a bunch of young ladies skinny dipping in the river. Both men being of reputable character made the ladies aware of their presence and the ladies made their way to deeper water.

One of the girls shouted “We’re not coming out until you leave”.

Geoff frowned, “We didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked”.

Then Jaz held up the bucket and said, “We only come down to feed our pet crocodile”.

Jaz was always a little quicker on his feet than his best mate Geoff.

 

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